I've moved this autism blog!

Please find the latest posts about our walk with our son, Alec, at:
http://www.walkingwithalec.com.

Thanks!

Jason McElwain Autistic Basketball Player

Everytime I feel discouraged, watching this video picks me right up.

More on our walk with Autism

I have moved this blog to:

http://www.walkingwithalec.com

Check their for our journey with Alec!

The Blessings Behind The Giants

I’ve often referred to our struggle to cope with Alec’s autism as a struggle against a giant. To us, and possibly to Alec, autism has been a great giant that we have been forced to battle. When I say that, I am talking about the struggle for language skills, social skills, the struggle to obtain proper specialized education, financial funding, meeting dietary restrictions and needs, and finding therapists: the list can go on and on.

But it’s also been a struggle to reach Alec on his own terms. There are those who say that we just need to accept autism. I’m a mother that accepts Alec. However, I want to do as much as I can to treat Alec’s autism, to help Alec live in this world. The fact is, autism is a condition that impairs a child’s ability to interact. This is evident in the many possible characteristics of autism. I’ve never been willing to just let that be without a fight.

I remember one particularly dark day, when Alec was in the bathroom so confused, and so frustrated. He’s my son, and as his mother, I knew his extreme frustrations were because he could not express his needs. He stood against the wall and cried frustrated tears. I knelt down to him and looked at his wet, anguished face and promised him, "I’m coming to get you, Alec.” I knew that I had to go into his world to get him. To pull him out with love and acceptance.

I have always known that there is a promised land for Alec. I knew that he is God’s unique and valued son and that he can face the giant of autism and defeat it. (It’s difficult for me to explain what I mean by the term “defeat”. I believe that love gives us what we need to face autism. These children can live happy, productive lives. This is what I mean by defeating autism.)

There is a story in the Bible that tells of the Israelites and their first look at the Promised Land. Moses sent scouts into the land to bring back a report of what they saw. So they went and they found clusters of grapes so large that it took two of them to carry it on a pole between them! They found pomegranates and figs and indeed, a land flowing with milk and honey. But they also saw giants in the land.

In Numbers 13, it says that Caleb, one of the scouts, tried to encourage the people as they stood before Moses to go at once to take the land. He believed that God would help them conquer it, as He had promised. But the other men who had explored the land with him answered, "We can't go up against them! They are stronger than we are!"

So they spread discouraging reports about the land among the Israelites. "The land we explored will swallow up any who go to live there. All the people we saw were huge. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Anak. We felt like grasshoppers next to them, and that's what we looked like to them!"

That generation never made it to the Promised Land. They failed to believe God’s promises that He would give it to them, and instead, they only saw the giants. There were great blessings behind those giants, and God’s full intention was to empower them to have those blessings.

I think about this story as I think about Alec and our struggle with autism. It’s a choice. Do we focus on the autism, or on the beauty of our child? Do we focus on the giant or on God’s promises for our kids?

Oh, God has such wonderful promises for our children!

“But now the LORD says, ‘Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you. Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy. There is hope for your future," says the LORD. ‘Your children will come again to their own land.’”

Jeremiah 16 & 17

Matt and I don’t have unlimited financial resources to help Alec. We’ve done the best we can. We have given him as much ABA as we could afford. We have been chelating him, and we have seen great results. Not able to afford a specialized full time school that uses ABA, Alec attends both three days of his private ABA school and two days of public school. God has helped us in many ways, but I know that there are those who do far more in terms of providing specialized care and treatments. But I believe that the single greatest therapy for our kids is to love and accept them, because they are God’s children, uniquely made, entirely beautiful.

When Alec was first diagnosed, I went to two elder ladies in our church and prayed with them for Alec. During that prayer, they gave me a promise then, that Alec would be healed, but that it would take a long time.

You can say what you will, but I have held onto that promise. I can’t justify it to you. I only know that I took that promise to heart, and covered Alec in prayers every night, asking that he would be “all that God intended him to be”. Maybe that is healing. Or maybe it’s more. Like I said, I can’t justify it to anyone else.

Now here we are. Alec will be turning five in July. A dream of ours is about to happen, and Alec will be attending regular kindergarten. His public school teacher tells us that he is keeping up with the kids in all academic areas. (Remember, he is only in preschool!) We have watched daily miracles in his life this year. He goes outside and plays with the children on the block, playing tag and riding his bike everywhere. He races his big sister Elise.

His language began to explode around January. Suddenly, he began speaking complex sentences. One day not too long ago, I asked him what he did at school that day and he listed five activities. At the beginning of the school year, he would only repeat my question to me.

Alec can tell me how he feels now, and even why. He asks questions “Where are we going?” and “What are you doing, Mama?” and many more. His language still has a slight delay, but he is able to hold his own now.

Socially, he’s growing by leaps and bounds. He’s asking children he meets “What is your name?” and he wants to know, if they are crying, why they are upset. He is participating in everything at school. Speaking out to people while shopping.

He still self-limits regarding his diet. That giant is still causing trouble. But, he is healthy and very strong.

Matt and I often ask ourselves what it has been that has worked. I’ve been a great believer of treating autism in terms of diet and even, yes, looking at mercury issues. We have and are treating Alec. We believe in ABA in every way. But I believe that the greatest thing we have is knowing that God is there for us, and that He loves Alec and has promised to help us. We have never been alone. I believe that if all we could afford to give Alec was love, then God would see to it that love was all Alec needed to be all that He intended Alec to be.

So, I have to thank Him. I’ve hesitated writing these things because I know there are hearts breaking out there, trying to understand autism and decide the best way to treat our kids. Do not lose hope. Seek those promises out and believe them. Do the best you can to get information and make the best choices for your child.

And don’t let anyone tell you that the giant will win. There is joy in every day if we look for it. Even on the hardest days in these past few years, I have found new wisdom in understanding Alec.

I thank God for this boy, for all that I have learned through him. For the miracles he shows me daily. For the smiles that warm my heart, because I know they came with a price.

The greatest blessings are behind the biggest giants in our lives. I believe that, with God’s help, those giants will fall. Believe it, too, because our kids are so very worth it. Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

"You murmured and complained in your tents and said, `The LORD must hate us, bringing us here from Egypt to be slaughtered by these Amorites. How can we go on? Our scouts have demoralized us with their report. They say that the people of the land are taller and more powerful than we are, and that the walls of their towns rise high into the sky! They have even seen giants there--the descendants of Anak!'

"But I said to you `Don't be afraid! The LORD your God is going before you. He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt. And you saw how the LORD your God cared for you again and again here in the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.'

Deuteronomy 1: 26-31

Walking with Alec: The Photo

I've wanted a visual photo of either Matt or myself actually "Walking with Alec", and here, finally, is one. This was taken in Western NC on a greenway. Elise is running up ahead, as she typically does. Alec has always been slow on hikes and walks until this year. Now, suddenly, Alec wants to make everything a race! Suddenly, at nearly five, he's very competitive with his sister, who takes it all pretty well.

Alec is going on two mile bike rides with Elise, with Matt and I jogging along, and Alec is determined to be first. The progress we have seen in the last year is amazing! Speech, physical aptitude, social skills. The whole world has opened up for him, and we thank God for all He is doing in Alec right now.

In the Light

My sister Amanda and I bask in the light following the Forest Hill Women's Retreat in Myrtle Beach. I served on the committee for the retreat, leading worship for the first time. A humbling, amazing experience that I hope I never forget. This photo was taken following the retreat, on the deck of the hotel overlooking the Atlantic. My sister, Amanda, came for her first retreat. 

Laying Every Burden Down

Life has been getting harder lately. It’s not really Alec, but more of the overwhelming tasks and responsibilities that Matt and I are dealing with right now.

Things sneak up on us. Work, volunteering, doctors, appointments, maintaining the home. Suddenly our time is gone and there is nothing left.

For example, I really like to work on scrapbooks. It’s my way of just zoning out all the things I have to do and working creatively to celebrate all the blessings of life, like family, my kids, Matt. I have not scrapped a page since early fall! But I find myself thumbing through scrapbooking magazines for a few moments at a time. All I can do it take a few moments to think about doing something creative for myself. I don’t have time to actually do it.

I think something is really messed up about that. Why is it that life bombards us with so much to do? In the volunteering, school assignments not to mention an incredibly busy season with my part-time job, it’s a constant struggle to maintain our priorities. Not just a struggle, a war. Our mailboxes are stuffed with solicitations. The televisions blare, even while most times no one is even paying attention anymore. I rarely have a moment to just sit down and watch a television show.

Or write in this blog, as I so enjoy.

I read a recent article about adult ADD. We are multi-tasking so much that we can’t even focus anymore. I feel that way, too. Does anyone else? What is going on? What is so wrong?

Even in the good things we do, I find that my precious time with my family is eroding away. It takes a daily check of priorities to keep a balance in life.

This past week was rough. I have volunteered too much at a time when my workload is way up. There were school visits. I was gone Tuesday night and Thursday night for church commitments. This weekend, I sang the Saturday night service and two services on Sunday. Following the second service, I had a rehearsal for another singing engagement. On Sunday night, Matt and I were to lead our life group, a bible study group that has helped us tremendously.

By the time I walked in the door on Sunday afternoon, however, I found my daughter in red-faced and crying on the stairs, my husband irritated that the kids were not behaving, the house a wreck (Matt had been plowing through two weeks’ worth of ever-depressing bills and mail and mowing a badly overgrown lawn), and things basically a mess. It was time to scream “ENOUGH!”

So, I called our very understanding and supportive life group and let them know we were not coming that night. They offered prayer and we accepted. Instead, we just stayed together as a family. We went to the grocery. We ate. We watched an hour of television, but we did it together. We rested.

But morning came. In the few moments before my feet hit the floor, I remembered all that I needed to do, and that crushing overwhelmed feeling came back. I didn’t want to get out of bed. But, I did. I dressed them, I fed them, I packed lunches and book bags, made two types of waffles (gluten free and regular), and syrup (which over boiled all over the stove and under the burners everywhere) and sent off Alec with Matt. Elise missed the bus (of course) so I drove her to school.

And as I pulled back into the driveway afterward, I did what I needed to do all along. I laid every single burden down to Christ. There is something in my heart that tells me that it doesn’t need to be this way. That I’m struggling too much. I was reminded of this verse from Matthew 11:28-30:

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.’ "

It is so amazing that even good responsibilities can rob us of the blessings that God intends for us, like peace of mind, a home where you can rest, and time to enjoy the simplest things of life, and the time to enjoy our own children, that God calls “a gift from the Lord; they are a reward.”

What does it mean to lay every burden down? Well, for me it means to ask God to direct my day. To ask Him to show me what is really important (like writing this post!), to shut my mind to distractions, because they will come, even if it means turning off my cell phone for a time. It means allowing myself to be imperfect. If I lose an assignment or task, then God must not want me to have that particular responsibility anyway. Even yesterday, I got a call saying that two nights that I had scheduled to sing were cancelled. Instead of being irritated, I realize that God is clearing my schedule for me. So, I can now enjoy my family on those nights.

And it’s a daily struggle to keep everything at bay. When I need help, I have to have the humility to ask for it. I’d rather everyone think I can handle everything, but I know I can’t. Asking for help is hard.

As I sat in my driveway after taking my daughter to school, I let the tears fall, only for a moment, and I laid every burden down, saying “Here they are, God, all of my needs, hopes and desires. I’ve made a mess of most of them. But they are yours now.”

I heard that soft, quiet voice inside say “I’ve got them. Just watch now…”

There is a song written and performed by Kathryn Scott, called “At the Foot of the Cross (Ashes to Beauty)”:

At the foot of the Cross;
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received
And You've won my heart; Yes, You've won my heart

Now I can trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down … At the foot of the Cross

That’s my song for today.