Rollin' with the Holidays

It's the holiday season, which, in our home, means a celebration of the birth of Christ, Christmas trees covered in fragile ornaments, quiet sacred services, special music, way too much food, visits from family and crazy trips to the mall.

Although the meaning of it all is meant to be peace, love and enjoyment, the holiday season is often stressful for any family. Let alone a family with a child on the autism spectrum. Let's talk about it!

Stressful Situation Number 1: The Parties:

Just for starters, there are many holiday and classroom parties with tempting food. That five pounds or so I gain every season is proof of that constant temptation. For a chocoholic like me, watch out! But when you have a child on a special diet, such as a gluten-free, casein-free diet, parents have to foresee the unexpected and be prepared with substitute foods to keep our kids on their diets. It's a good time to stock up on extra special treats that our kids can have to be ready for that unexpected snowman cookie.

I have sometimes struggled so much with just the diet issues that I have dreaded the classroom parties! Something must be wrong in my thinking. Better preparation would help to aleve my anxiety over diet mishaps ... and the fall-out behavior we find when Alec falls off of the wagon.

Stressful Situation Number 2: The Holiday Shopping

Alec is four and Elise is 6. With children those ages, there tends to be stress at the mall. Without kids, there tends to be stress at the mall! I find myself chasing Alec (and Elise!) from under the clothing racks, always fearful that an expensive item will be smeared with residue cookie or broken. It's happened before, I'm sure it will happen again.

Actually, my kids are pretty good in the shopping arena, provided I follow a few rules: First, the trips need to be relatively short. This requires more planning ... again. (By the way, if anyone could invent a program to help plan all of this, I'd appreciate it.) I tend to get distracted from the goal of the shopping trip. I'll see something and that reminds me that someone needs something else, and before I know it, the kids are tired and I'm frazzled and we have not accomplished what we set out to do. It's the ADD in me, I guess! So, it's time to plan, prepare a list, and then go for it, but wear blinders! If I see something I want to do some more research on, I can add it to another day's list.

Another GREAT option for shopping is doing it all online. On a rainy day like this, who wants to go out anyway?

Stressful Situation Number Three: Family Visits

If anyone can figure out how to destress family visits, then please let me know. Advice columnists have been trying to figure it out for years. Any kid is full of excitement, rowdy, and out of the norm for their day. Sometimes this spells disaster for a child with sensory issues. I welcome comments from others!

For me, I think I am just going to learn not to be so hard on myself, or my kids. They are excited, and it is difficult to change up schedules and meet people they don't see very often. So, I am going to allow them to be kids (although within respectful limits) and not steal all of their joy. I am learning to make no excuses for the sometimes, well, odd, things that Alec might say or do. Like, when he is running and suddenly stops, kneels down and kisses the ground. (What's that all about, I wonder....) That's Alec, and with each day I am appreciating more and more all of the special eccentricities that make Alec who he is. If someone can't deal with it, well, then there's not much we can do about it and I'm not going to stress about it anymore. This is a task in process.

Stressful Situation Number Four: Sacred Services

As anyone can tell from previous posts, I believe that God embraces our kids on every level and right where they are on any given day. That means, they have a place in the celebration of our sacred holiday, which for us, is Christmas. We found a church where we are welcomed to come, and honestly, if Alec were not welcomed there, we would move on. But he is.

For our family, the Christmas season is the most special time of the year. I cannot imagine the holiday without the service on Christmas Eve. Yes, sometimes it has been difficult to enjoy it in the past, as I would worry so much about how Alec would handle it.

The amazing thing is that Alec has always done really well in those services. There is something about the look of wonder on a child's face as he or she takes in the glowing candlelight, the quietness, the music, the Holiness.

Nothing touches my heart more than hearing my children sing out carols from the back seat of the car. Even with all of the missed notes and imperfections, their sweet voices bring tears to my eyes.

It's the imperfections, really, that give life beauty. Who wants Stepford children? It's the chocolate-smeared kiss that my daughter gives me when I am losing my cool at the mall that jumps out and grounds me again. It's the miracle of hearing my little boy say, in actual words, "Mama, this is the best Christmas I ever had" as we decorate the house that help me understand that life is a miracle in itself, and that the journey, with all of the struggles, are what make it special.

Summary Statement for a Stress-Free Holiday Season: Roll with it!

This season, I'm going to lighten up on my kids, my husband, and myself. I'm going to accept a little bad behavior at a mall in order to keep my sanity. I'm going to not beat myself up if Alec sneaks a cookie at a holiday party. I'm going to find the humor in the little things my kids do and change my focus a bit, so that I can appreciate them instead walking on eggshells all of the time around others. In short, I'm going to lighten up and not miss out on the holiday fun.

These days are special, and they pass oh so quickly. The greatest gift I can give myself this year is not missing out on them.