The Blessings Behind The Giants
I’ve often referred to our struggle to cope with Alec’s autism as a struggle against a giant. To us, and possibly to Alec, autism has been a great giant that we have been forced to battle. When I say that, I am talking about the struggle for language skills, social skills, the struggle to obtain proper specialized education, financial funding, meeting dietary restrictions and needs, and finding therapists: the list can go on and on.
But it’s also been a struggle to reach Alec on his own terms. There are those who say that we just need to accept autism. I’m a mother that accepts Alec. However, I want to do as much as I can to treat Alec’s autism, to help Alec live in this world. The fact is, autism is a condition that impairs a child’s ability to interact. This is evident in the many possible characteristics of autism. I’ve never been willing to just let that be without a fight.
I remember one particularly dark day, when Alec was in the bathroom so confused, and so frustrated. He’s my son, and as his mother, I knew his extreme frustrations were because he could not express his needs. He stood against the wall and cried frustrated tears. I knelt down to him and looked at his wet, anguished face and promised him, "I’m coming to get you, Alec.” I knew that I had to go into his world to get him. To pull him out with love and acceptance.
I have always known that there is a promised land for Alec. I knew that he is God’s unique and valued son and that he can face the giant of autism and defeat it. (It’s difficult for me to explain what I mean by the term “defeat”. I believe that love gives us what we need to face autism. These children can live happy, productive lives. This is what I mean by defeating autism.)
There is a story in the Bible that tells of the Israelites and their first look at the Promised Land. Moses sent scouts into the land to bring back a report of what they saw. So they went and they found clusters of grapes so large that it took two of them to carry it on a pole between them! They found pomegranates and figs and indeed, a land flowing with milk and honey. But they also saw giants in the land.
In Numbers 13, it says that Caleb, one of the scouts, tried to encourage the people as they stood before Moses to go at once to take the land. He believed that God would help them conquer it, as He had promised. But the other men who had explored the land with him answered, "We can't go up against them! They are stronger than we are!"
So they spread discouraging reports about the land among the Israelites. "The land we explored will swallow up any who go to live there. All the people we saw were huge. We even saw giants there, the descendants of Anak. We felt like grasshoppers next to them, and that's what we looked like to them!"
That generation never made it to the Promised Land. They failed to believe God’s promises that He would give it to them, and instead, they only saw the giants. There were great blessings behind those giants, and God’s full intention was to empower them to have those blessings.
I think about this story as I think about Alec and our struggle with autism. It’s a choice. Do we focus on the autism, or on the beauty of our child? Do we focus on the giant or on God’s promises for our kids?
Oh, God has such wonderful promises for our children!
“But now the LORD says, ‘Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you. Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy. There is hope for your future," says the LORD. ‘Your children will come again to their own land.’”
Jeremiah 16 & 17
Matt and I don’t have unlimited financial resources to help Alec. We’ve done the best we can. We have given him as much ABA as we could afford. We have been chelating him, and we have seen great results. Not able to afford a specialized full time school that uses ABA, Alec attends both three days of his private ABA school and two days of public school. God has helped us in many ways, but I know that there are those who do far more in terms of providing specialized care and treatments. But I believe that the single greatest therapy for our kids is to love and accept them, because they are God’s children, uniquely made, entirely beautiful.
When Alec was first diagnosed, I went to two elder ladies in our church and prayed with them for Alec. During that prayer, they gave me a promise then, that Alec would be healed, but that it would take a long time.
You can say what you will, but I have held onto that promise. I can’t justify it to you. I only know that I took that promise to heart, and covered Alec in prayers every night, asking that he would be “all that God intended him to be”. Maybe that is healing. Or maybe it’s more. Like I said, I can’t justify it to anyone else.
Now here we are. Alec will be turning five in July. A dream of ours is about to happen, and Alec will be attending regular kindergarten. His public school teacher tells us that he is keeping up with the kids in all academic areas. (Remember, he is only in preschool!) We have watched daily miracles in his life this year. He goes outside and plays with the children on the block, playing tag and riding his bike everywhere. He races his big sister Elise.
His language began to explode around January. Suddenly, he began speaking complex sentences. One day not too long ago, I asked him what he did at school that day and he listed five activities. At the beginning of the school year, he would only repeat my question to me.
Alec can tell me how he feels now, and even why. He asks questions “Where are we going?” and “What are you doing, Mama?” and many more. His language still has a slight delay, but he is able to hold his own now.
Socially, he’s growing by leaps and bounds. He’s asking children he meets “What is your name?” and he wants to know, if they are crying, why they are upset. He is participating in everything at school. Speaking out to people while shopping.
He still self-limits regarding his diet. That giant is still causing trouble. But, he is healthy and very strong.
Matt and I often ask ourselves what it has been that has worked. I’ve been a great believer of treating autism in terms of diet and even, yes, looking at mercury issues. We have and are treating Alec. We believe in ABA in every way. But I believe that the greatest thing we have is knowing that God is there for us, and that He loves Alec and has promised to help us. We have never been alone. I believe that if all we could afford to give Alec was love, then God would see to it that love was all Alec needed to be all that He intended Alec to be.
So, I have to thank Him. I’ve hesitated writing these things because I know there are hearts breaking out there, trying to understand autism and decide the best way to treat our kids. Do not lose hope. Seek those promises out and believe them. Do the best you can to get information and make the best choices for your child.
And don’t let anyone tell you that the giant will win. There is joy in every day if we look for it. Even on the hardest days in these past few years, I have found new wisdom in understanding Alec.
I thank God for this boy, for all that I have learned through him. For the miracles he shows me daily. For the smiles that warm my heart, because I know they came with a price.
The greatest blessings are behind the biggest giants in our lives. I believe that, with God’s help, those giants will fall. Believe it, too, because our kids are so very worth it. Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
"You murmured and complained in your tents and said, `The LORD must hate us, bringing us here from Egypt to be slaughtered by these Amorites. How can we go on? Our scouts have demoralized us with their report. They say that the people of the land are taller and more powerful than we are, and that the walls of their towns rise high into the sky! They have even seen giants there--the descendants of Anak!'
"But I said to you `Don't be afraid! The LORD your God is going before you. He will fight for you, just as you saw him do in Egypt. And you saw how the LORD your God cared for you again and again here in the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.'Deuteronomy 1: 26-31
posted by K. Langston @ 11:11:00 AM
I've wanted a visual photo of either Matt or myself actually "Walking with Alec", and here, finally, is one. This was taken in Western NC on a greenway. Elise is running up ahead, as she typically does. Alec has always been slow on hikes and walks until this year. Now, suddenly, Alec wants to make everything a race! Suddenly, at nearly five, he's very competitive with his sister, who takes it all pretty well. 
