Table Wars

I've been hearing from other parents of ASD children that a typical behavioral problem many ASD kids have is that they do not want to sit down for meals. Add that to the fact that some are self-limiting in terms of what they eat, and suddenly you are faced with a battle.

Alec eats chicken nuggets, pizza, pretzels, chips, waffles, soy milk, juice, french fries and bacon. Occasionally some cereal. Let's see, what am I forgetting? Hmmmm. Nothing, I guess. He'll eat cookies sometimes, and ice cream once in a great while. No fruit. (Do fruit roll-ups count? I don't think so.) No veggies, save the potato in the fries, which is more of a starch.

Often, I can't even get him to eat the more nutritious items of that list, the chicken nuggets or the pizza, because he won't sit down to eat. He CAN, he just WON'T.

So, yesterday, I decided to dress for the battle. He was scrounging for pretzels and junk food around four in the afternoon, so I quickly fixed chicken nuggets and french fries and sat him down. He started to get up. I said, "If you take one bite, you can get up." (This was an easy offer. I thought it too easy, but I was wrong.) Alec's a good manipulator, and he did not want to do what I was asking, even though he will eat those two items. He preferred to walk around with a bowl of pretzels, eating as he wished.

As Alec tried to slide off of his chair, I put my hand on the seat and wouldn't budge. The tears began. "Alec, if you take one bite, then you can get up."

The tears because wails. I stayed calmed. It was a warm day in Sept., with all of the windows up to let in the air. Unfortunately, that also left all the neighbors privy to the table war going on inside our house.

Alec stood his ground with fierce screaming and wails. It sounded like I was torturing him, but I was only preventing him from sliding off of his seat. I have never heard such screaming!

As a few minutes turned to 5, then 10, then 15 and 20 and the screaming escalated, I began to worry: What are the neighbors going to think! The police will be showing up at my door any minute ...

Elise, my super helper, sat at the table eating her ravioli. I explained to her that I was not hurting Alec, just trying to get him to take one bite of his chicken or fries. She offered to help by demonstrating to Alec what I wanted with her last bite of ravioli.

"Elise, take one bite, and then you can get up." She did, smiled and got up. "Great job, Elise!" I said. Alec screamed on.

I began to hear in his screams that he was trying to talk to me. He was saying what sounded to me like "it's okay....it's okay", something I say to him when I am comforting him. With a mom's intuition, I thought that he wanted to know that he was not a bad boy, even though I was standing my ground. He was reaching out for comfort. He was confused.

I tried something new: "Alec, it's okay. You're a good boy. Momma loves you. Do you want up?"

"Oh, yeah!" Alec yelled.

"Then take one bite, and you can get up." More crying from Alec. I repeated this about three times, all the while praying God, let him understand. Help me here to stand my ground.

Suddenly, Alec picked up a piece of chicken...and took a bite.

"YEA, ALEC! GREAT JOB! GOOD BOY!" I cried out. He got the biggest, most wonderful smile on his face. I hugged him and slathered him with cheers. It had been nearly 25 minutes of screaming. "You can get up! Good boy!"

When I pulled the chair out for him to get up, the most wonderful thing happened. He motioned for me to put it back. He wanted to stay there and finish his food. He ate all of it. Every bite, all with the biggest smile on his face.

I sat there with him, showering him with attention, trying to show him how pleased I was that he had figured this out and was even enjoying the food.

Somehow, this battle was won...by not only me, but Alec as well. I still don't know what the neighbors thought with all of the intense screaming coming from the house. I guess I don't care, because my boy sat there and ate his food happily. I don't know what holds him back, but in my heart of hearts, I believe that Alec does want to do this, and that he does want help. He just doesn't know how to go and get it sometimes.

That's my job, with God's help, to lead him out of the confusion and pull him, in love, into the light of this life. There's so much for him here. Each day, we are a little closer. Every day, God brings a gift and a promise that we are on the right path.