39

Okay, so now I am 39. How did this happen?

So, trying to be somewhat productive, I took a run this morning and thought about the past year. I used to have this ritual of going and watching the sun come up for each birthday, but kids and life got in the way of that, so this birthday the run will have to do.

At first, I began thinking about the plaguing thought that my metabolism has tanked so much over the past year. I decided mourning the ability to eat more was not a great way to start this time of reflection, so I thought instead about how far Alec has come in the past year.

I can remember how he was in January of 2004. He barely spoke a word. There were many tantrums, many times dragging him out of preschool over my shoulder as he angrily beat my back over just about anything. It's really been quite a year. So many challenges.

I remember how I felt when we received the PDD-NOS diagnosis back in May. The stunning slap of that reality as they handed out the autism pamphlets to Matt and me. I remember the dazed feeling we had walking out of that meeting, feeling like they had handed us a diagnosis and a handshake and sent us on our way.

I remember how I felt when I was told I'd have to have a shadow for Alec at his preschool, and how unfair I felt that was, and how hurt I felt that Alec should be "shunned".

And now, I realize what a blessing that was. That Alec has grown so much. That he is using more and more words each day.. correctly. That the tantrums are fewer. That he likes his early intervention class. That the ABA has shown great promise, and I know he is getting so much more help than he ever would have at preschool.

I think of his hugs and kisses, how social he is, and how blessed I am to have this family. I think of how I know God is with us, and how the future holds such a promise.

I am thankful today. Maybe not about the extra pounds (I am going to get them off by my fortieth!) but by this life, this adventure, I call my own.