Are We Doing Enough?

In case you haven't noticed by now, I am a follower of Christ. He's my strength and encouragement to get through these monumental ASD battles. He is the promise and hope, telling me that God made Alec for a purpose and a reason, and that He knows just where Alec is and has a purpose for Alec no less than that of a "neuro-typical" child. (Hey, I'm not the best with appeasing everyone with the terminology. I'm doin' the best I can.) I'm countin' on that.

So, these past few weeks, I have been severely struggling with stress. So much, that it is manifesting itself physically. It's the physical pain that the stress is causing that is distressing me. A vicious cycle, you know.

I am blessed to have the support of a home group (sort of a Bible study group, but also a group of people to keep Matt and I accountable to our walk and a support for our troubles). Last night, I received a lot of prayer and advice, so I thank them. I need to keep my eyes on Christ and not all of the questions and confusion I have been feeling as Matt and I try to do the very best for Alec. Are we? WHO KNOWS? It seems there is always something more we could do. It's never enough. Anyone walking hand in hand with God knows the ugly voices - the accusations - that go through your mind. "You could do more".... "You deserve this in some way".... "It's never going to be okay...." I am needing God's help to still those voices. That is my struggle today.

Alec, I need to remember, is doing great! The ABA, although only 8 hours a week (all we can afford right now), is working. I need to remember how far my little man has come! He's such a JOY to us, and yet, as I mom, I want so much for him. I have to repeatedly let it go, let it go. I pray to be happy with things as they are. There is so much joy available right now, if I can shut out the accusations enough to focus on them. Some days, I fail at doing that. Each day, I need to try.

My boy is so precious. Right now, his giggles are drifting up my stairs as he works with his tutor. He covers my cheeks with kisses each day. He tells me "I wuv you" as I tuck him in bed. His smile lights up the room. Oh, for this, I am thankful. For each touch, for each hug, for every step along the road, I give thanks to God. I did not ask for this journey, but I have been given it, so I am thankful for it and know that through it, I will be stronger, and that my life will be more full.

I write this journal so I will remember these steps. I write to give hope because I have a God will has promised me to work everything for our good. I write so that the everyday joys will not be overtaken by the challenges. To Him, be all the glory in this, our story.